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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

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15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Making waves on Discord:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Seen just now on Threads:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Making waves on WeChat:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Trending via Reddit:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When my pen goes missing, I start questioning my life choices 📎😅 #PenPalPanic

favorite, frustration, hate, humor, i, live, lose, losing, pen, sarcasm, things, will to live, work

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12 shares on Facebook this month:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Seen just now on Discord:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Spotted on Threads:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Just landed via Slack:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Live now on Twitch:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Making waves on Snapchat:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Spotted on YouTube:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Going viral on Facebook:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨