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"Looks like the government shutdown is putting more pressure on your wardrobe than on politicians! 🤦‍♂️ Maybe we should all show up in our pajamas and call it a day! 😂"

clothes, fashion, government, humor, i, nice, nothing, shutdown, wear

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

4 months ago

epiphany, every, humor, i, motivation, need, night, self-improvement, turn
Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

2 months ago

blanket, clothing, comfort, fall, fall fashion, fashion, fashion trends, humor, looking, style, trends, wear, women
No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

1 month ago

activity, anyone, busy, dating, denial, free, free time, fun, fun activity, humor, lying, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, playing, time
Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

1 month ago

along, best, best minute, day, family, getting, happiness, joy, kids, laughing, minute, peaceful, playing, seeing, together, togetherness
But that was my emotional support daylight.

1 month ago

daylight, emotional, emotional support, humor, light, support
Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

2 months ago

activity, adventure, boring, climbing, cold, death, dumb, everest, fun, fun activity, just, looks, mount, Mount Everest, opinion, personal, personal opinion, risk, super, thanks, uphill, walk

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

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Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

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The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

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Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

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I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

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There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

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Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

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Spotted on LinkedIn:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

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People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

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You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

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The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

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I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

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I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

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I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

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