Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Spotted on WeChat:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Just landed via Messenger:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Making waves on Facebook:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Shared recently on WeChat:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Spotted on Facebook:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Let 'em rip! No need to let those fart jokes ferment any longer! 💨😂"

comedy, fart, fart joke, holding, holding in, humor, i, joke, jokes, laugh

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

0

2 months ago

attitude, cat, humor, independence, me, pet, rebellion, sarcasm, tell
You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

0

2 months ago

answer, call, calls, communication, gossip, humor, interaction, miss, missed, missed opportunity, opportunity, phone, phone call, social, social interaction
Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

0

6 months ago

comparison, cooperation, fitted, fitted sheet, hard, humor, just, matter, never, relationship, sheet, try, woman, women
Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, felony, girl, humor, irony, name, vandalism
I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

0

2 months ago

activity, amusement, emotion, fun, happiness, i, joy, never, person, sad, seen, slide, water, water slide
There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

0

2 months ago

3, annoying, billion, friends, friendship, humor, i, life, loneliness, people, social, social life, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Spotted on Reddit:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Just landed via Slack:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Spotted on Discord:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Shared recently on Discord:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Seen just now on Threads:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨