If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I miss you (the money I spent).

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.