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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Going viral on X:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Just shared via Slack:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Live now on Snapchat:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Trending via X:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Freshly posted on Slack:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Just landed via Pinterest:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Making waves on TikTok:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Just shared via Facebook:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

2 months ago

0

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, if life gives you lemons, just swipe them on a credit card and hope for the best! After all, being used or denied is just part of the credit card experience – it's like a rollercoaster ride with your finances strapped in for the thrill!"

card, comparison, credit, credit card, denied, financial, humor, joke, used, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

0

2 months ago

best, Christmas, day, holiday, humor, job, judging, leisure, one day, people, rest, Santa, think, time, work, works, year
It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

0

2 months ago

amazing, attitude, both, cat, cats, ears, humor, ignore, ignoring, pet
Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

0

2 months ago

fruit, grape, grapefruit, hang, hang out, i, incompetence, incompetent, legend, wish
I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

0

2 months ago

growing, growth, hair, hangout, humor, isolation, me, mullet, style, want
I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

0

2 months ago

automotive, car, cutting, driving, hell, humor, i, let, love, me, merge, merging, over, rage, road, road rage, sarcasm, sure, Tesla
Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

0

2 months ago

agriculture, burger, cow, doing, food, forever, humor, irony, meat, nature, plant, plants, turning, wait

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WeChat this month:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

72 shares on X this month:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

96 shares on Threads this month:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

11 shares on Discord this month:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,725

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Shared recently on Discord:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Making waves on WeChat:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Making waves on Discord:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Just landed via Threads:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Just landed via Facebook:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

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