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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2005 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,167

Funny Quotes Topics

14,929

Funny Quotes Images

12,167

Updated

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Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Shared recently on X:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Going viral on Twitch:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Trending via Facebook:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Just shared via X:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Just landed via Slack:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Spotted on Messenger:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Spotted on TikTok:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

4 hours ago

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Commentary:
Crumbs are the most loyal cuddle buddies 😂🍕🥐🛏️

alone, bed, bedtime, crumb, crumbs, humor, joke, loneliness, sleeping, sleeping alone, snack

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Going viral on YouTube:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Trending via YouTube:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Just landed via Reddit:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Just landed via Slack:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

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It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

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