Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,476

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Going bananas on Twitch:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Live now on Reddit:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Crumbs are the most loyal cuddle buddies 😂🍕🥐🛏️

alone, bed, bedtime, crumb, crumbs, humor, joke, loneliness, sleeping, sleeping alone, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

0

3 months ago

aging, energy, function, humor, i, lifestyle, night, night owl, older, owl, person, sleep, time, tiredness, used
Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

0

2 months ago

contact, day, device, every, house, humor, i, Interpol, irony, location, login, me, much, new, oh, phone, sarcasm, say, single, thank, warning
“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

0

3 weeks ago

craving, dessert, food, heart, humor, i, sweet, sweet tooth, table, temptation, tooth, walk, wants, whisper
The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

0

2 months ago

cravings, cucumber, difference, food, horny, humor, hungry, innuendo, joke, sexuality, where
Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, blessing, cheerful, day, gratitude, humor, lord, nature, outdoors, positivity, smell, sunny, sunny day
Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

0

2 months ago

call, clarinet, customer, customer service, enjoy, entertainment, five, humor, important, long wait, minutes, music, next, number, service, us, wait, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

20 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

61 shares on Slack this month:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Trending via Telegram:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Just shared via Discord:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Trending via Slack:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨