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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,415

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Spotted on Reddit:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Seen just now on Threads:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Just shared via Slack:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my guardian angel has a "no return policy" on this human! 😇🚫🔙

angel, conclusion, guardian, guardian angel, humor, me, possessive, protection

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

0

5 months ago

advice, care, dog, funny advice, grocery, grocery store, hear, home, hour, humor, i, know, needs, pet, pet care, restaurant, stay, store
Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

0

3 months ago

answer, contemplation, frustration, humor, new, nothing, sarcasm, sky, staring
I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

0

2 months ago

eat, fitness, food, head, humor, i, pasta, run, running, said, saw, shirt, slogan, someone, today, wordplay
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, fat, found, friendship, hang, hang out, humor, i, image, people, perspective, self-deprecation, thin
Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

0

2 months ago

another, came, currency, day, dime, dollar, humor, me, nickel, penny, phrase, sayings, sure, thoughts, wordplay
Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

0

2 months ago

communication, dream, gwyneth, Gwyneth Paltrow, humor, i, last, me, message, night, paltrow, plan

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

27 shares on Threads this month:

You wish you had this many chins.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

31 shares on Threads this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Going viral on Facebook:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Making waves on Twitch:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨