Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

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Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

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Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

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At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

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Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

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Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

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Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

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I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

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If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

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My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

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Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.