Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

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Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

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I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

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Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

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What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

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Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

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I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

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Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.