Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

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I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

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Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

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Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

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People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

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I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

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When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

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He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.