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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Making waves on Discord:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Spotted on Twitch:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Spotted on TikTok:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're the master of solo adventures! 🕵️‍♂️📚 #SecretPastLife

alone, awkward, awkward situation, college, ex, gf, girlfriend, humor, i, just, lot, means, reason, relationship, situation, story, talk, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

0

2 months ago

app, boring, dating, fact, fun, loneliness, media, most, single, social, social media, WhatsApp
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

0

1 month ago

give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife
“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

0

2 months ago

auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair
How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

0

2 months ago

awkward, back, humor, inappropriate, know, minutes, need, scratch, stranger
Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

0

2 months ago

body, comfort, comfort body, comfort food, diet, end, food, humor, irony, lifestyle, self-awareness, weight
Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

0

2 months ago

almost, bear, bears, candy, common, comparison, funny observation, gummy, gummy bear, gummy worm, humor, nothing, observation, worm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Twitch this month:

That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

18 shares on Slack this month:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

80 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

43 shares on TikTok this month:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

57 shares on Threads this month:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

43 shares on Threads this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Making waves on Instagram:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Making waves on Instagram:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Making waves on TikTok:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Just landed via Telegram:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨