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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Trending via YouTube:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Trending via TikTok:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Live now on Reddit:

Never trust a wet fart.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
😂 "When your therapist didn't realize they just made the cut list! 🙈✂️ #SorryNotSorry"

cutting, cutting off, health, healthy, humor, next, people, revenge, said, therapist, therapy

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on X this month:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

76 shares on X this month:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

85 shares on X this month:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

30 shares on Slack this month:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

37 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Spotted on Telegram:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Spotted on Twitch:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Live now on LinkedIn:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Just landed via Instagram:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

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Activity Log ✨

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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