Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

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My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

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Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

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Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

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Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

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My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

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Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

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Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.