Commentary:
Just updating my resume to include "Professional Unicorn Tamer" and "Champion of Procrastination" 😂🦄📄
I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.
Commentary:
Sweating out my sadness and pretending it's just cardio 😂🏃♂️💧
Not today, Satan, but next week works.
Commentary:
Sounds good, Satan—I'll pencil you in for next Tuesday! 📅😈😂
Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.
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Finally appreciating the personal throne after a week of questionable toilet paper quality! 🚽😂🏠
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.
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Guess I'll just have to settle for being a fiscally conservative dreamer 💸🤔✨
Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”
Commentary:
When homework takes a backseat to PowerPoint skills: future CEO in the making! 📊😂📱
Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.
Commentary:
When fake laughter workouts become part of the job description 🤣💼🤦♂️
I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.
Commentary:
Always in beta mode, but still charging a premium! 🤖✨🚀
Anyone know how to grow a money tree?
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I'm still trying to grow one, but all I got was a plant that demands expensive coffee. 🌱☕💸
I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.
Commentary:
Wait, so when do we get the "cool uncle/aunt" paycheck to fund this operation? 🤔💸😆