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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Just shared via Instagram:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Just landed via Facebook:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Broadcasted on Threads:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Just shared via WeChat:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Breaking via Instagram:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Trending via Instagram:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Just landed via Slack:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Swimming with dolphins just got way more epic, bring on the sea elves and orc sharks! 🧝‍♂️🦈🐬"

animal, animal comparison, comparison, creature, dolphin, elf, fantasy, humor, mythical, mythical creature, orc, shark

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

0

2 months ago

bad, bed, great, humor, i, irony, lie, procrastination, relaxation, responsibility, thing
“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

0

2 months ago

auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair
At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

0

5 months ago

booing, clerk, grocery, grocery store, humor, item, louder, shopping, store
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

0

3 weeks ago

among, clothing, divorce, divorce rate, humor, joke, rate, relationship, sock, socks
Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, every, fart, humor, interaction, panic, panic room, reaction, room, situation, social, social interaction, someone
Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

0

2 months ago

creativity, engagement, give, humor, husky, intelligence, interesting, interesting problem, people, problem, smart, smart people, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

91 shares on Threads this month:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

96 shares on TikTok this month:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

59 shares on X this month:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Live now on TikTok:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Going viral on Threads:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Just landed via Twitch:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Going viral on TikTok:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Spotted on X:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Going viral on Messenger:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨