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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Just shared via WeChat:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Seen just now on X:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Breaking via Twitch:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Trending via Facebook:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Breaking via Instagram:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've discovered the ultimate invisibility cloak: just stop texting first! 🕵️‍♂️🙈📵

communication, dating, friendship, humor, i, life, lot, media, message, people, relationship, social, social life, social media, stopped, texting, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

0

2 months ago

call, humor, joke, me, number, phone, privacy, respect
I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

0

2 months ago

bags, beauty, eyes, fashion, humor, i, self-deprecation, style, under, Versace
I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging process, avocado, comparison, feel, fine, food, hoping, humor, i, process, self-deprecation, sort, wine
People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

0

2 months ago

always, ask, breakfast, chair, convenience, hell, humor, me, morning, morning routine, people, routine, shower, standing
I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

0

2 months ago

disaster, failure, humor, i, irony, met, never, problem, turn
Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

0

4 weeks ago

advent, advent calendar, affection, calendar, daily, day, every, humor, me, metaphor, open, open up, relationship, surprise, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on TikTok this month:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Just shared via Slack:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Trending via Snapchat:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Just shared via Messenger:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Just shared via Discord:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Just landed via Messenger:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Going viral on TikTok:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨