Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,247

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Just shared via YouTube:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Trending via Threads:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Trending via Messenger:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Just shared via Messenger:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've discovered the ultimate invisibility cloak: just stop texting first! 🕵️‍♂️🙈📵

communication, dating, friendship, humor, i, life, lot, media, message, people, relationship, social, social life, social media, stopped, texting, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

0

3 months ago

aid, answer, call, calls, communication, company, every, hearing, hearing aid, humor, i, joke, line, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, prank, question, salesman, stay
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

0

2 months ago

air, air-drum, confidence, doing, epic, fun, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, music, over, performance, solo, tonight
Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

0

2 months ago

always, belief, fantasy, humor, individuality, magic, quirky, weirdo
Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

0

2 months ago

aging, best, everything, getting, getting older, humor, i, know, knowledge, lessons, life, life lessons, longer, older, self-awareness, thing, want, wisdom
Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

0

2 months ago

hit, humor, joke, modern, modern humor, tech, tech joke, technology, vape, vaping
I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

0

2 months ago

good, humor, i, problem creating, problem-solving, self-deprecation, shine, skill, skills, where, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Slack this month:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

83 shares on X this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Spotted on Discord:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Shared recently on YouTube:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Just shared via Slack:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Breaking via Discord:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨