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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Shared recently on Threads:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Spotted on WeChat:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Just shared via Snapchat:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Shared recently on Slack:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to swap the judge's gavel for a selfie stick! 📸🔍😄

advice, growth, humor, judge, judgment, less, life, little, personal, personal growth, perspective, self-reflection, should

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

0

2 months ago

account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

0

2 months ago

back, connection, happiness, i, interaction, love, me, moment, nice, smile, stranger, strangers
I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

0

2 months ago

chair, chaos, childhood, cup, high, high chair, humor, independence, just, parenting, power, sippy, sippy cup, throwing, toddler
I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

0

2 months ago

childhood, fear, ghosts, humor, i, ID, kids, know, knowledge, little, never, parenting, something, supernatural, too
In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

0

2 months ago

American, bible, eve, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, McRib, religious, religious joke, satire
Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

0

2 months ago

good, health, humor, Ka-Ching, mental, mental health, money, saying, sign, signs, therapist, therapy, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

41 shares on Slack this month:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

66 shares on Discord this month:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Going viral on YouTube:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Shared recently on Discord:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Going bananas on Slack:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨