Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Breaking via Reddit:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Making waves on Twitch:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Spotted on Messenger:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Live now on TikTok:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Just shared via WeChat:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your heart and stomach are in a heated debate over that last slice of pizza. 🍕❤️🤔"

choice, decision, heart, humor, love, only, organ, vote, wants

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

0

2 months ago

bump, cold, goose, goose bump, humor, wallpaper, woodchip
Ugh, but profoundly.

0

2 months ago

attitude, expression, frustration, humor, irony, remark, sarcasm, ugh, witty, witty remark
Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, just, life, mean, mistake, parents, planned
They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

0

2 months ago

activity, bull, combine, competition, de, event, france, humor, next, running, should, sport, tour, Tour de France, year
I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

0

2 months ago

audiobook, believe, book, entertainment, found, humor, i, listening, literature, me, reading, self-discovery
My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

0

2 months ago

attitude, boss, calm, give, humor, i, laziness, likes, pressure, sarcasm, shit, tell, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Breaking via Slack:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Freshly posted on X:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Spotted on Slack:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Going viral on Reddit:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Just shared via TikTok:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Just landed via Reddit:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Ugh, but profoundly.

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨