Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Making waves on Pinterest:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Going viral on Threads:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your heart and stomach are in a heated debate over that last slice of pizza. 🍕❤️🤔"

choice, decision, heart, humor, love, only, organ, vote, wants

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

0

2 months ago

FitBit, fitness, frustration, humor, i, irony, item, lost, lost item, put, steps, taken, track, tracking, trying, where, wish
It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

0

2 months ago

Beyoncé, day, deception, digital, digital deception, easy, humor, humor quote, i, identity, internet, internet humor, internet joke, joke, just, lie, lying, media, online, online identity, online lying, social, social media, telling, too
Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

0

4 months ago

boom, casual, casual tone, communication, email, emails, expression, funny phrase, humor, phrase, shakalaka, signature, slang, today, tone
My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

0

5 months ago

3, everything, hours, i, later, missed, missing, missing out, nap, parallel, parallel universe, sleep, thinking, time, time warp, toxic, toxic trait, trait, universe, waking, waking up, warp, where
More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

0

6 months ago

babe, candlelight, communication, dating, gaslight, humor, less, light, relationship, sarcasm
When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

0

2 months ago

celebration, excitement, fireworks, fun, hiss, invention, making, sound, wheee

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

64 shares on X this month:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

77 shares on Discord this month:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Just landed via WeChat:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Making waves on Facebook:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Spotted on Threads:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Trending via Messenger:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Making waves on Reddit:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Spotted on Instagram:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨