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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Making waves on YouTube:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Trending via WeChat:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Spotted on Threads:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

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There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.
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Commentary:
Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on X this month:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Just shared via Telegram:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Spotted on Instagram:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Just shared via Facebook:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Going viral on Twitch:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

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