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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Making waves on Discord:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Going bananas on YouTube:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Trending via Pinterest:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure money can’t buy happiness, but I’m ready to rent a smile or two! 💸😄 #WillingToExperiment"

buy, desire, experiment, give, happiness, humor, irony, just, let, lot, me, money, myself, perspective, say, someone, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

0

2 months ago

days, dead, disappear, humor, i, Jesus, pretend, resurrection, sarcasm, think, trouble, whenever, wit
My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

0

2 months ago

equipment, exercise, exercise equipment, favorite, favorite part, having, i, Peloton, people, showing, showing off, status, status symbol, symbol, telling, telling people
As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

0

3 months ago

12, adulting, aging, before, done, everything, humor, i, management, morning, needs, older, productivity, routine, time, time management, understanding, why
All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

0

2 months ago

cooking, enough, food, gazpacho, humor, joke, lazy, soup
Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

0

2 months ago

call, came, creativity, dental, dentures, humor, missed, name, opportunity, substitooths, wordplay
The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

0

4 months ago

ask, direction, directions, error, everything, follow, Google, Google Map, grok, humor, lake, map, mistake, navigation, people, same, straight, technology, user, user error

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

100 shares on X this month:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

97 shares on X this month:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

25 shares on Slack this month:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Live now on Pinterest:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Just shared via Facebook:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Just shared via Discord:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Making waves on Discord:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Spotted on Pinterest:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨