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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,678

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Just landed via Instagram:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Live now on Slack:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Live now on Snapchat:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Breaking via YouTube:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Trending via Facebook:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I better start my good deed training program ASAP, because my air conditioner just surrendered 🥵😇

change, heat, hell, hot, hot temperature, humor, i, me, realize, survival, survive, temperature, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

0

2 months ago

change, comedy, drama, fall, humor, life, seasons, spring, summer, today, used, winter
Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

0

2 months ago

buy, Christmas, good, honesty, humor, list, mind, never, once, own, Santa, stuff, time, wish, wish list, year
New term for people with jobs: emploids.

0

3 days ago

employment, humor, job, jobs, new, people, slang, term, work
I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

0

2 months ago

arguing, awkwardness, communication, date, end, flirting, humor, i, relationship, skills, social, social skills
No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

0

2 months ago

better, comedy, family, humor, miscommunication, misunderstanding, modern, Modern Family, plot, show
A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

0

2 months ago

baseball, case, designated, designated hitter, drunk, everyone, hit, hitter, humor, sports, sports humor, team

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on X this month:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

97 shares on Threads this month:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Trending via Pinterest:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Spotted on WeChat:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Just landed via Telegram:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Seen just now on Discord:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Just landed via Threads:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨