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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Just shared via X:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Making waves on Messenger:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Reported on YouTube:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Just landed via YouTube:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Making waves on Slack:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'elbow waterfall' maneuver in every face washing routine – a truly exhilarating experience for all, except maybe your elbow! 🚿💦😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Live now on Discord:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Making waves on WeChat:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Making waves on Slack:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Reported on Twitch:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Shared recently on X:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

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