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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Spotted on Reddit:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Just landed via Messenger:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Making waves on WeChat:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
In your 20s, the real family drama is deciding whether it's Tony Soprano or laundry day that gets your attention first 📺🧺 #Priorities

20s, advice, binge, entertainment, going, important, play, press, show, Sopranos, The Sopranos, TV, TV Show, twenty, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

2 months ago

anxiety, body, body language, fine, humor, language, leg, reaction, shake, speed
Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

3 months ago

around, Craigslist, dark, dark humor, everyone, humor, internet, joke, marketplace, murder, online, online marketplace, over, safety, still
“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

2 months ago

always, drinking, enjoyment, fun, girl, God, humor, Jesus, miracle, sarcasm, wine
I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

2 months ago

3, activity, bald, bald guy, band, cover, cover band, funny name, guy, guys, hairless, Hairless Whisper, humor, music, name, pun, Wham, whisper
I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

2 months ago

alert, bracelet, ever, humor, i, irony, just, life, life alert, notification, notified, self-deprecation
Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

2 months ago

activity, five, game, humor, irony, people, risk, roulette, Russian, Russian Roulette, safe, safety, six, statistics

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Messenger this month:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Breaking via Snapchat:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Going viral on Telegram:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Trending via TikTok:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨