Work for a living? In this economy?

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I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

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Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

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Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

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Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

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Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

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January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

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Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

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Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

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You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

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You know the nap is good when it left you marks.