Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Trending via Slack:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Just landed via Twitch:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Trending via WeChat:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Going viral on Twitch:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Going viral on Telegram:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

Going viral on TikTok:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Trending via Instagram:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Live now on Facebook:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote contrasting ambitious bucket list with humorous head-in-bucket joke.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
My bucket is stuck and I can barely hear my list of regrets 🪣🤪🔊

bucket, bucket list, comparison, head, humor, i, life, life perspective, list, perspective, same

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

15 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Seen just now on Slack:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Just landed via Slack:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Shared recently on X:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Shared recently on Threads:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Spotted on Twitch:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Trending via Threads:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Keep the laugh going 😂

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨