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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Making waves on Slack:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Making waves on Messenger:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Going bananas on X:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Trending via Threads:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Making waves on Twitch:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Trending via Threads:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Going viral on Reddit:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Falling in love: the only free test that can diagnose your inner crazy! 😂💘🌀"

crazy, emotion, fall, humor, humor in love, love, never, realization, realize, relationships, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

0

2 months ago

actually, attitude, balance, entitlement, even, going, humor, i, irony, little, thankfulness, today, too, ungratefulness, yesterday
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

0

4 months ago

body, common, common sense, emotion, feeling, humor, know, leaving, little, love, relationship, sense, someone, tingly, tingly feeling
Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

0

2 months ago

carbohydrate, clever, course, drink, humor, hydrated, i, nutrition, pun, stay, wordplay
Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

0

1 month ago

class, education, ending, hello, homework, humor, i, leave, lecture, main, movie, only, point, professor, reach, reading, right, sarcasm, student, timing, yell, yelling
I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

0

5 months ago

blame, cemetery, confused, confusion, cost, cost of living, death, expense, funeral, humor, inflation, joke, living, price, prices, raise
I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

0

3 months ago

agree, agreement, argue, argument, humor, i, just, let, observation, patience, plot, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

13 shares on Instagram this month:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

79 shares on Slack this month:

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Trending via Instagram:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Breaking via Messenger:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Seen just now on Slack:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Shared recently on Threads:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Breaking via Messenger:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Making waves on Telegram:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Just shared via Facebook:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨