Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,328

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Making waves on X:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Trending via Twitch:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Going viral on Discord:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Going viral on Telegram:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Trending via Twitch:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like we need a nap and a lottery ticket! 😂🛌💸

25, 30, 40, adult, age, am, ambition, before, financial, financial pressure, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, pressure, rich, right, stress, want, wealth, young, young adult

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

0

2 months ago

alone, bed, comfort, cool, ever, humor, personal, personal space, relaxation, self-care, sex, space, yourself
Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

0

2 months ago

conversation, honey, humor, internet, media, online, online conversation, relationship, social, social media, stranger, strangers, talking
In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

0

2 months ago

grudge, high, high school, hold, humor, i, mad, most, nostalgia, personality, school, still, voted
The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

0

2 months ago

bring, financial, humor, i, income, irony, money, only, spending, talent
Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

0

2 months ago

agree, agreement, always, dynamics, humor, irony, me, oh, opinion, people, perspective, same, sarcasm, six, social, social dynamics, think, well
Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

0

2 months ago

activity, amusement, barber, celebrate, celebration, chair, fun, fun activity, grooming, hair, hair salon, humor, little, moment, pneumatic, pneumatic chair, relaxation, ride, salon, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

46 shares on X this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Just landed via X:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Just shared via Instagram:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Going viral on Slack:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Just landed via Discord:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨