Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’ Posted onMay 30, 2026
I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow. Posted onMay 30, 2026
You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared. Posted onMay 30, 2026
It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant. Posted onMay 30, 2026