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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People text you when you look good in photos.

Trending via Snapchat:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Making waves on WeChat:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Just landed via WeChat:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Seen just now on Discord:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Making waves on Twitch:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Spotted on TikTok:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Trending via WeChat:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about adult life humorously describing morning struggles with reluctance.

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Commentary:
Rolling out of bed to play the daily game of "pretend to be responsible"! 🚶‍♂️😴✨

adult, bed, being, humor, life, morning, mumbling, reluctant, slide, struggle, stupid

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

88 shares on Slack this month:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

14 shares on X this month:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Shared recently on Slack:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Just landed via Slack:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Seen just now on Discord:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Trending via Twitch:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Spreading quickly via X:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

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Activity Log ✨

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨