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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,570

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Breaking via YouTube:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Seen just now on Twitch:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Just shared via WeChat:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Making waves on WeChat:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Just landed via WeChat:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Just landed via Pinterest:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Trending via Slack:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dark chocolate: fulfilling my daily veggie quota since forever! 🍫🥦😄

chocolate, dark, dark chocolate, diet, diet joke, eating, food, food humor, healthy, healthy eating, humor, joke, vegetable, vegetables

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

0

2 days ago

childhood, days, died, humor, i, injury, kids, me, mom, once, parenting, pretty, resilience, soft, sure, toughness, walk, walk it off
It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

0

2 months ago

bird, heat, here, hot, humor, i, nature, summer, worm
Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

0

4 months ago

August, Congress, enjoying, everyone, forgot, full, humor, i, month, oh, only, pay, politics, sarcasm, vacation, work
After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

0

2 months ago

coffee, cup, drink, empty, empty cup, funny interaction, guy, humor, i, interaction, IT guy, Java, joke, me, programming, say, show, workplace, workplace humor
Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

0

5 months ago

communication, culture, form, humor, information, internet, internet culture, meme, memes, most
The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

0

2 months ago

best, driving, home, humor, snow, staying, staying home, thing, winter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Threads this month:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

76 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

70 shares on X this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

83 shares on Slack this month:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

20 shares on Telegram this month:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Spotted on Twitch:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Making waves on TikTok:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Just shared via WeChat:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Just shared via Facebook:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Going viral on Messenger:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Just shared via TikTok:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨