Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

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Shared recently on YouTube:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Just shared via Discord:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Breaking via Reddit:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Going viral on TikTok:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Classic Carl, always ruining a good flight. 😂💀🦗"

again, animal, animal defense, avoid, avoidance, behavior, dead, death, deaths, defense, dragonfly, fake, fake death, female, female behavior, girl, here, humor, mating, nature, own, play, ugh, unwanted

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83 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I need a massage for my brain.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

24 shares on YouTube this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Making waves on Messenger:

January is the Monday of the year.

Spotted on Twitch:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Shared recently on X:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Just landed via WeChat:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Breaking via Pinterest:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Just landed via Instagram:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Just landed via Reddit:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

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Activity Log ✨

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Keep the laugh going 😂

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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