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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1841 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,003

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,003

4 minutes ago

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Going viral on Instagram:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Making waves on WeChat:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Spotted on WeChat:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Making waves on TikTok:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Reported on Threads:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Home » Funny Account Quotes » Page 3

44 Funny account quotes

More funny account quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: Kanye's definition of 'normal' might just break the internet… 🤯💻 #KanyeGoneMild"
6 months ago
Share →: My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Commentary:
"Oh, the true richness of life: a sink overflowing with dishes, a laundry basket spilling clothes, and arteries clogged with love (and maybe a few too many snacks 🍔🍕🍟). Who needs money when you're this 'wealthy' in messes and cholesterol? 💸🧺🍔"
6 months ago
Share →: My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Commentary:
🤥 "Surprise! Your online friend might just be your real-life accountability buddy in disguise! 🕵️‍♂️ Just remember, even behind the screen, honesty is the best policy! 😉 #CaughtRedHanded"
6 months ago
Share →: I run a parody bank account.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate flex: running a parody bank account where the only currency is humor and overdraft fees are paid in dad jokes! 💸💰😂 Keep those laugh deposits coming! #BankingOnLaughs"
6 months ago
Share →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Commentary:
"Looks like Santa's workshop had a budget cut this year! 🎅💸 Time to spread some goodwill… through virtual hugs! 🤗💸 #BrokeSanta #HugsForChristmas"
6 months ago
Share →: I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Commentary:
"Ah, the never-ending battle against the dreaded 'Create an Account' button! 💻🔒 It's like a daily reminder that we are all just data points in the vast digital universe. Resistance is futile, my friends! 🤖😅 #TechStruggles #JustLetMeIn"
6 months ago
Share →: I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Commentary:
Oh no, your bank account has been slimming down like it's on a weight loss medication! 💸💊 Looks like it's in for a bit of a financial detox! 😂 #BankAccountGoals
6 months ago
Share →: It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Commentary:
Oh, wouldn't that be the dream! 💸💰 Laundry day could turn into payday real quick! 🧺💸 Perhaps we need to start throwing some spare change in with the socks… or convince the bank that dirty clothes are a form of deposit! 😅💼
6 months ago
Share →: “Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Commentary:
😂💸 "If my will to live had a bank account, it'd also be overdrafted! #BrokeInSpirit" 💀💳
6 months ago
Share →: It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'll be trading in my calculator for a ski mask! 💸🔫 Just kidding, I'll stick to legal ways to boost my bank balance…for now! 😂💼 #ImTooPrettyForPrison"

For even more funny account quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1841 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,003

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,003

4 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on LinkedIn:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Seen just now on X:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Trending via Reddit:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Making waves on Telegram:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Just landed via Reddit:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Reported on Pinterest:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

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