Commentary:
Getting older means I've unlocked the superpower of being an alarm clock, even on weekends 🤦♂️⏰😂
161 Funny best quotes
Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.
Commentary:
Why earn while you work when you can thrive through chaotic calls? 📞😅 #WorkFromHomeAntihero
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.
Commentary:
Finally, a lifetime subscription to the post-social event gossip club! 🗣️💬👫🤣
I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.
Commentary:
Isn't it magical how buying a replacement turns your house into a hide-and-seek champion's paradise? 🕵️♂️🎩✨
The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.
Commentary:
Sounds like living in a beauty pageant with constant plot twists! 👀👗🏙️
The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.
Commentary:
Shedding those extra opinions is the ultimate cardio! 🏃♂️💨😆
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.
Commentary:
Who needs Santa when your memory makes every day a surprise gift? 🎅🎁🤔
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?
Commentary:
Trying to give my mirror a performance review, but it just ghosted me! 😅📸✨
The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.
Commentary:
Pie-nding my way through Thanksgiving with a fork in one hand and a pie chart in the other! 🥧🤣
“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.
Commentary:
Ah, the dishwasher initiation rite! May you emerge stronger and only slightly more water-resistant! 🚿😂🔄