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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has downloaded:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, β€œOkay, my turn.”

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has shared:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has downloaded:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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806 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,968

Funny Quotes Topics

13,932

Funny Quotes Images

10,968

Updated

25 minutes ago

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3,437

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on X:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Spreading quickly via X:

Changed my bio on bumble to β€œI’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Trending via Discord:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Reported on WeChat:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Live now on Facebook:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Trending via Snapchat:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Live now on LinkedIn:

β€œAI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Just landed via YouTube:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Home Β» Funny Day Off Quotes Β» Page 2

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

806 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,968

Funny Quotes Topics

13,932

Funny Quotes Images

10,968

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has downloaded:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

That song stuck in my head is β€œDon’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has shared:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on X:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Just landed via Twitch:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Trending via YouTube:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Live now on Pinterest:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Going viral on Threads:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Making waves on X:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Going viral on Threads:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Going viral on Pinterest:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

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