149 funny dog quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

May 19, 2026May 19, 2026

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

May 19, 2026

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

May 19, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

May 19, 2026

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

May 19, 2026

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

May 19, 2026

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

May 18, 2026

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

May 18, 2026

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

May 18, 2026

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

Apr 1, 2026

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Apr 1, 2026

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Apr 1, 2026

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Apr 1, 2026

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Apr 1, 2026

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Apr 1, 2026

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Mar 31, 2026

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Mar 31, 2026

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Mar 31, 2026

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Mar 31, 2026

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Mar 31, 2026

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Mar 31, 2026

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Mar 31, 2026

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Mar 31, 2026

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Mar 31, 2026

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Mar 31, 2026

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Mar 30, 2026

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Mar 30, 2026

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Mar 30, 2026

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Mar 30, 2026

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Mar 30, 2026

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Mar 30, 2026

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Mar 30, 2026

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Mar 30, 2026

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Mar 30, 2026

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Mar 30, 2026

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Mar 30, 2026

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Mar 30, 2026

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Mar 30, 2026

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Mar 30, 2026