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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Going viral on Messenger:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Breaking via TikTok:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

Going viral on Instagram:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

3 weeks ago

confidence, dark, dark spot, health, humor, lip, mole, MRI, self-deprecation, sexy, spot, upper, wait
80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

3 weeks ago

ago, beautiful, beauty, health, history, humor, i, institutionalization, mental, mental health, reflection, think, time
My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

3 weeks ago

doctor, hanging, health, humor, joke, just, left, me, medicine, prescription, relationship, Viagra
Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

3 weeks ago

anxiety, basic, coping, health, humor, intrusive, intrusive thought, looking, mental, mental health, recommend, recommendation, self-help, someone, thought, thoughts
I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

3 weeks ago

AirTag, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, put, sanity, technology, tracking, wish
Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

3 weeks ago

50s, aging, health, humor, joints, meteorologists, welcome, wisdom
My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

3 weeks ago

being, bounced, check, guess, health, humor, insane, mental, mental health, perspective, reality, reality check, sarcasm, stay, time
Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

3 weeks ago

attraction, behavior, drive, health, humor, just, people, perception, relationships, sex, sex drive, smoking, social, social behavior, vaping
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

3 weeks ago

benefit, comeback, dance, dance move, enjoy, enjoyment, glass, glasses, health, health benefit, humor, i, move, moves, night, night routine, routine, wine, witty, witty comeback
I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

3 weeks ago

better, care, health, humor, liquor, liquor store, myself, procrastination, self-care, start, store, tomorrow, walk, walking

For even more funny health quotes, hit next 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Discord this month:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

56 shares on X this month:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

36 shares on Discord this month:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

30 shares on Facebook this month:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Just shared via TikTok:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Shared recently on Facebook:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Trending via YouTube:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Just landed via Threads:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Trending via TikTok:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Breaking via Threads:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Activity Log ✨

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨