Commentary:
Looks like scientists are stuck in a sticky situation trying to crack the gum code! 🍬⏳🔍
14825 Funny humor quotes
Today I spoke to an older male lawyer in the same tone he was using with me. Do y’all wanna guess whether he liked that?
Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥
Sex in 2009: take off your shirt and the long-sleeve shirt underneath it.
Commentary:
Ah, the layering method of seduction – unwrapping like a human taco 🌮😂🧥
Putting your phone away to watch TV counts as meditation now.
Commentary:
Who knew "zen" could be spelled with Netflix and chill 📺😌📱
Took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today, so I should be able to afford to buy a house any day now.
Commentary:
Saving like this, it's only a matter of time before I can buy a mansion…or maybe just a fancy cup of coffee. 🏡☕😂
What doesn’t kill you makes your eyes well up on public transport.
Commentary:
When life gives you awkward sniffles on the bus, just blame it on the onions in your bag! 🧅😂🚍
Remembering when The Walking Dead killed off Carl because his actor turned 18, and they didn’t wanna pay him an adult salary.
Commentary:
Guess Carl learned the hard way that growing up is truly the scariest thing in a zombie apocalypse! 😅🎂🧟♂️
Shoutout to the people who do the awkward little jog when a car lets them cross the street. You aren’t going any faster, but the effort is appreciated.
Commentary:
Doing the "Thanks for not running me over" shuffle like a pro! 🚗👟💨
You cannot rage against the machine if you’re asking it to summarise your emails for you.
Commentary:
Trying to outsmart the machine but still need it to do my email homework 🤖😂📬
Of course your wife can’t cook like your mom. You should! You’re her son. You ate her food your whole life.
Commentary:
"I guess it's time for Cooking Lessons 101: Mom Edition! 🍳👨🍳😂"