Commentary:
Sounds like a knockout decision! 🥴🥊🙌
5670 Funny i quotes
I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.
Commentary:
Suddenly realizing that my camera doubles as a time machine 😂📸🥦🍩
I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.
Commentary:
Adulthood: where you've got a lotion for every motion! 🧴😅
My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.
Commentary:
Apparently, this freelance pet food critic is finickier than Gordon Ramsay with a fish dish 😹🐟🛍️
I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.
Commentary:
When your body decides to multitask 😂📸 #ScreenshotLife
I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.
Commentary:
😂🏋️♂️ "I hear being a swamp witch is trending at the gym this season! Just rocking that 'fresh out of the cauldron' look!" 🧙♀️💦
When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
Commentary:
Looks like "speechless" comes with a warranty for unlimited words 🚫🗣️😆
I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.
Commentary:
That’s one way to call yourself a life coach in reverse! 😂🔄
The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.
Commentary:
Sounds like they took a wrong turn at Albuquerque! 🚀🛸🌌
I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.
Commentary:
Looks like my mirror is getting ready for the show of a lifetime! 😂😂🌟