Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate long-term relationship goal: professional annoyance specialist 😂❤️
5670 Funny i quotes
I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.
Commentary:
Can't decide if I'm more jealous of their shoes or their bank accounts! 💸👠😂
I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.
Commentary:
When your math skills are as useful as a chocolate teapot 🤔📚🍫
I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.
Commentary:
That's the kind of free time I dream of—next stop, reviewing socks and dustpans! 😂🧺📦
I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.
Commentary:
When even your phone's autocorrect is like, "Yeah, I've got nothing." 🤷♂️📱😂
Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.
Commentary:
Guess I'll start practicing my on-the-spot treadmill skills for ghost season! 👻🏃♂️😂
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.
Commentary:
I'm trading my life preserver for a shovel because it's getting deep in here! 🤿🦺💩
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.
Commentary:
Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.
Commentary:
That's one way to keep the meeting "snot" too boring! 😂💻👃