Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the secret to waking up with a galaxy brain! 🚀🤯✨
5670 Funny i quotes
I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.
Commentary:
As long as his middle name isn't "Mond," we're safe from a truly dreadful start to the week! 😅🎶
When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.
Commentary:
Blame it on the invisible ninja, because my feet have the grace of a giraffe on roller skates! 🤦♂️🦒🎢
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.
Commentary:
Suddenly, we've all got a sequel called "I Carried a Bag of Groceries" lined up for the doctor's office! 🍉🩺🤣
My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.
Commentary:
Looks like someone finally found the perfect recipe for peace and quiet this Mother's Day! 🔑🚪😂
From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.
Commentary:
Mission accomplished! My house is now an art installation titled "Controlled Chaos" 😅🧹🏡
I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.
Commentary:
Sounds like I've been running marathons in my sleep! 🛌🏃♀️😴
As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”
Commentary:
When you hear those magical words, it's like finding a comrade in the Procrastination Olympics! 😅📚🙌
I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.
Commentary:
Looks like you've gone hog wild! Time to reel it in and give the pigs a break! 🐷🥓😂
More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.
Commentary:
Clapping or snacking? Either way, I'm a fan! 👏🍎😄