Commentary:
"When 'fitted' shirts feel like a hug from a boa constrictor.😂👕🐍"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.
Commentary:
"Modern parenting: test-driving kids like they're on a 30-day return policy 😂👶🔄"
Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.
Commentary:
"Taking notes for my 'how not to plan a weekend' guide! 🍿🕵️♂️🔍"
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.
Commentary:
"Maybe they should rename it the 'Somewhat United Kingdom'? 😅🤔 #BrexitBanter"
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.
Commentary:
"Hey, 'weird freak' is just another way of saying 'limited edition'! 🦄🤣 #OneOfAKind"
I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.
Commentary:
"When it comes to cooking up chaos, I'm a natural chef! 👨🍳🔥😂 #NoRecipeNeeded"
I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.
Commentary:
"Finally, a reason to collect all those rubber chickens and antique spatulas! 🍗👰💍😂"
I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.
Commentary:
"Why pick favorites when you can ignore everyone equally? 👻😆 #GhostLife"
I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?
Commentary:
"Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I'm bringing blueprints to the date. 🏡👷♀️🍳"
The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.
Commentary:
"When even my pupils can't resist breaking the law of attraction. 🚔👁️😂"