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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

186 Funny myself quotes

Funny myself quotes highlight those moments when you realize you’re the star of your own comedy show! 😂💁‍♂️ Whether it’s overthinking a simple situation, being your own worst critic, or laughing at your own weird habits, these quotes remind us that sometimes the funniest moments come from just being ourselves. After all, who else is going to make fun of you better than you? 😆🙃🎭

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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