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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Just landed via TikTok:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Just shared via YouTube:

My love language is being sent money.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Just shared via Discord:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Just landed via Telegram:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Shared recently on Slack:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Making waves on Messenger:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

329 Funny relaxation quotes

More funny relaxation quotes 👇

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

3 weeks ago

activity, beautiful, dating, drinks, Friday, fun, fun activity, humor, i, invitation, invite, me, relaxation, weekend, woman
Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

3 weeks ago

am, case, cheating, comfort, emotionally, emotionally invested, feel, furniture, humor, i, invested, laziness, loveseat, recliner, relaxation, sometimes, wondering
After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

3 weeks ago

activity, after, charge, chores, domestic, domestic life, dryer, fun, fun activity, humor, laundry, life, little, relaxation, should, tumble
I’ve named my couch American Idle.

3 weeks ago

American, American Idle, couch, furniture, humor, idle, laziness, pun, relaxation
Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

3 weeks ago

activity, brush, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, day, day off, family, family party, fun, fun activity, humor, leisure, leisure time, party, relaxation, theory, time
It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

3 weeks ago

effort, exercise, humor, laziness, nap, need, relaxation, steps, tired
I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

3 weeks ago

after, humor, ID, joke, massage, masseuse, minutes, okay, relaxation, selfish, terrible, turn
I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

3 weeks ago

bills, cat, freedom, humor, i, job, just, meow, relaxation, wish
Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

3 weeks ago

30, beer, drink, drinking, drunk, enjoy, fun, humor, i, just, light, light beer, moderation, party, peeing, relaxation, times, today
Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

3 weeks ago

adventure, ask, dinosaur, end, fun, humor, i, just, much, once, relaxation, slide, too, wish, workday

For even more funny relaxation quotes, hit next 👇

All funny relaxation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on TikTok this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Just shared via Threads:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Going viral on YouTube:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Broadcasted on Threads:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Going bananas on Instagram:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Spotted on TikTok:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Activity Log ✨

329 Funny relaxation quotes

More funny relaxation quotes 👇

All funny relaxation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨