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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Making waves on Threads:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Going viral on Pinterest:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Freshly posted on X:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Live now on Threads:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Spotted on Twitch:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Making waves on Reddit:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Seen just now on Discord:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Going viral on YouTube:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

46 Funny sign quotes

More funny sign quotes 👇

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

2 days ago

cancel, humor, meeting, meetings, motivation, procrastination, productivity, sign, today, work, work meeting
Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

2 days ago

give, humor, plot, plot twist, sign, twist, universe, waiting
Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

3 weeks ago

enough, everything, God, health, humor, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, schizophrenic, sign
If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

3 weeks ago

50, coffee, coffee shop, days, humor, old, old days, passive-aggressive, pay, payment, pretend, shop, sign, smoke, Wi-Fi, wifi
Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

3 weeks ago

account, authentication, before, code, humor, just, login, microsoft, need, notification, OMG, security, send, sign, sign in, signed, someone, technology
Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

2 months ago

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology
Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

2 months ago

actually, communication, culture, dating, ghosting, great, humor, respect, sign
Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

2 months ago

ask, communication, culture, deep, explain, humor, love, man, men, relationship, respect, sign, something
If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

2 months ago

ask, astrology, dating, getting, humor, i, interaction, nerf, sign, social, social interaction, vibe, zodiac, zodiac sign
If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

2 months ago

35, company, employment, grow, growth, hiring, humor, job, office, people, sign, us, work, workload

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All funny sign quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Slack this month:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are too many neglected emojis.

91 shares on Slack this month:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

99 shares on X this month:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Activity Log ✨

46 Funny sign quotes

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All funny sign quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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