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334 Funny someone quotes

Trending Funny Someone Quotes 🔥

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.
The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.
For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

More funny someone quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Commentary:
😂🙈 Mirror: 1, Me: 0! Looks like that mirror got more action than I did! Who knew getting cozy with your reflection could be so hazardous? Maybe next time, wear a helmet for those steamy encounters! #SelfLoveGoneWrong
3 months ago
Share →: Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Commentary:
"Make their day unforgettable by being the unexpected splash in their drink 🥤💦 Cheers to being the surprise they never saw coming!"
3 months ago
Share →: I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Commentary:
Oh, the sound of spaghetti noodles or your knees? 😂 Looks like your knees are staging an Italian pasta cooking show every time you navigate the stairs! 🍝🤣 Maybe they're just craving some marinara sauce for extra support!
3 months ago
Share →: Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic mystery of the artful flirt! 💃🏼🕺🏻 It's like a superpower that somehow fizzles out when the heart gets involved. Who knew the path to true love came with a 'flirting skill cap' 😂 #Flirting101"
3 months ago
Share →: The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Commentary:
"Ah, the nerve of someone daring to block your path in the sacred store aisle! 🤨 Don't they know it's your runway to retail bliss? 🛒💁‍♂️ Move aside, mere mortal, the bargain hunter is on a mission! 😆 #ShoppingStruggles"
3 months ago
Share →: I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Commentary:
"Offering food to someone and then regretting it is equivalent to bringing a knife to a food fight 🍴😆 Don't worry, next time just conveniently 'forget' to offer, problem solved! #FoodieDilemmas"
3 months ago
Share →: Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'offering food but low-key praying they decline' maneuver 🍔🙏. It's the ultimate test of politeness vs. hunger! Will they pick up on your subtle hints, or will you have to reluctantly share your precious snacks? The suspense is delicious… or not, depending on their answer! 😅"
3 months ago
Share →: That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Commentary:
Ah, autocorrect, the unsolicited third wheel of text conversations! 🤖🙄 It always has a knack for turning a "duck" into something else entirely. 🦆😂 Brace yourself for those unexpected plot twists brought to you by autocorrect! 📱🤪
3 months ago
Share →: That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Nope, I totally needed to examine this random jar of olives right here' maneuver. 🛒😅 Next time, maybe we should bring a dancing distraction to shimmy them out of the way! 💃🕺"
3 months ago
Share →: I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Commentary:
"Remember, there's always someone out there who cares… Just not me, I'm busy eating snacks and watching cat videos 🍿🐱 #Priorities"