Funny standard quotes

• Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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  2 months ago

  faith, God, godparent, humor, joke, parenting, recruitment, religion, standard

• When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

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  2 months ago

  causing, causing scene, comparison, double, double standard, Hulk, humor, i, incredible, leave, need, place, scene, shit, standard, wreck

• Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

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  2 months ago

  beauty, beauty standard, commercial, commercials, gorilla, hairless, hairless leg, humor, impress, leg, legs, razor, satire, shave, shaving, someone, standard, stop, want

• Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

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  4 months ago

  attitude, cynic, high, humor, idealist, only, personality, sarcasm, standard, standards

• You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

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  5 months ago

  bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard

• Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

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  5 months ago

  drinking, got, humor, lifestyle, self-improvement, sobriety, standard, standards, tired

• I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

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  6 months ago

  confidence, dating, high, high-quality, humor, i, me, relationship, standard, standards, want, woman

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