Commentary:
Brains: the ultimate drama queens of multitasking! 🤯🧠🙅♂️
201 Funny thought quotes
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.
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When you think you're being summoned for a family board meeting, but it's actually a secret candy operation 🍫🤫😂
I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.
Commentary:
Turns out I've been training for the Olympics in stealth candy consumption 🍬🎬🤫
All I think about is death and sex.
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Balancing life's two inevitables: some exit strategies and entry plans! 💀😂❤️
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.
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Looks like someone's thoughts are buffering today! 🐦💭🔄
Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.
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When cats and mice stop fighting, world domination begins! 🐱🐭💪🌍
I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.
Commentary:
Sounds like you were suffering from an acute case of rom-com syndrome 😂❤️💔
Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.
Commentary:
Even my left hand is confused about this culinary adventure 🍳🤚🤣
Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.
Commentary:
🤣 I guess I’ve been channeling my inner "weird uncle" all along! 🧔🕺
If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.
Commentary:
When someone drunk texts you, consider it a rock-solid testament to your undeniable charm 🍻🤔💫