Commentary:
Living the dream, one imaginary dollar at a time 💸😂✨
88 Funny wanted quotes
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.
Commentary:
When you think you're being summoned for a family board meeting, but it's actually a secret candy operation 🍫🤫😂
Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.
Commentary:
Guess I'll have to change my name to "Whole Oat Soy Almond Coconut Non-Dairy" 👩🌾🥛😂
Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”
Commentary:
Haha, because who doesn't dream of being a spreadsheet superhero as a kid? 😂📈🦸♂️
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.
Commentary:
Chasing the dream since the playground days! 🏖️😴 #RetirementGoals
I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.
Commentary:
When you’re more into the RSVP than the actual plan 🥳🚫✌️
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.
Commentary:
Looks like you've been practicing the art of side-stepping since childhood! 💃🏽🤔🌀
Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.
Commentary:
Sliding into your newsfeed like a ninja with nothing but good vibes and a bad sense of direction 😂🤷♂️📩
All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.
Commentary:
As long as the lights are dim and the compliments are plentiful, mission accomplished! 😂🙈💪
I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm living the dream… if that dream was a comedy show! 👗💸😅