Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,285

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Spotted on WeChat:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Spotted on WeChat:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Live now on Reddit:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Wow, sounds like me trying to find the TV remote! 📺😂🗺️"

amusing, confusion, forgetfulness, got, humor, humorist, i, joke, lost, minute, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

2 months ago

break, got, humor, i, know, life, motivation, need, pen, put, somewhere, story, throw, win, writing
Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

2 months ago

activity, creativity, example, fantasy, fun, fun activity, game, games, great, house, job, let, Sims, simulation, The Sims, try, video, video game
I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

3 months ago

argue, argument, confidence, conversation, explain, humor, i, just, right, sarcasm
Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

2 months ago

alive, dead, hamster, hear, humor, observation, people, talking, think, thinking, turning, wheel, yourself
Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

2 months ago

code, codes, girls, humor, just, loneliness, message, technology, verification, verification code
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

2 months ago

able, after, communicate, communication, couple, humor, joke, least, long-term relationship, marriage, married, never, nonverbal, nonverbal communication, pretty, relationship, relationship joke, silence, speak, sure, term, time, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

68 shares on Slack this month:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Going viral on YouTube:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Just landed via WeChat:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Making waves on Slack:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Just landed via X:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Going viral on Messenger:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Making waves on Telegram:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨