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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Spotted on X:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Seen just now on Slack:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Just shared via Slack:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Breaking via YouTube:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Spotted on Instagram:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Just shared via YouTube:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about stubborn bathroom scale refusing to apologize.

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Commentary:
Looks like the scale's grounded until it learns some manners! 🚫⚖️😆

apology, bathroom, bathroom scale, corner, humor, i, joke, liar, lie, little, personification, put, scale, stay, weight, where

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15 shares on Pinterest this month:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

28 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Trending via YouTube:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Trending via TikTok:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Going viral on TikTok:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Trending via Pinterest:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Spotted on TikTok:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨